I know, I know....it's been a long time.
I had an interesting experience last night that taught me about forgetting. I went out with a good friend from high school. While we were talking and catching up, she mentioned that she had seen an old boyfriend of hers and recounted a humorous exchange they had. The third member of our party didn't go to high school with us and didn't know who he was or why the story was relevant. My friend quickly helped her out.
"Mark doesn't like him at all," she whispered conspiratorially. The friend looked at me for confirmation.
At this moment, I did a mental double-take. It was true that in our high school days, I had vehement feelings against this particular person. My friend was in relationship with him and he hurt her very, very much (even for high school). Feeling the protector, I was quick to demonize him as a no-good, manipulating blowhard. However, at this point--five years later--time had healed my once-fervent dislike of this person. I of course hadn't forgotten what he had done to my friend, but she herself had healed and moved on, as had I. I was even a little surprised to remember that I did have such strong feelings.
I was a little bit troubled by this experience. I am someone who tends not to forget things. I'm good at remembering names and (unfortunately) people who have done things to hurt those I love. In this case, everyone involved had moved on, and I wish I had made it clear that I was included in "everyone." While this was an innocent reminiscing experience, it made me think of how I remember people and what they've done--even those who haven't been the perpetrator of a heinous offense (like me in this story). I certainly don't want to be remembered as "the one who hated your old boyfriend," and it made me want to give people the benefit of the doubt more often. Just because someone said or did something that may have been hurtful, I'm not in charge of remembering it just in case the need ever arises to pull it out of my arsenal of past experiences to use against them. It made me want to be optimistic about the possibility of change.
