The benefit of the doubt.....or something like that

I know, I know....it's been a long time.

I had an interesting experience last night that taught me about forgetting. I went out with a good friend from high school. While we were talking and catching up, she mentioned that she had seen an old boyfriend of hers and recounted a humorous exchange they had. The third member of our party didn't go to high school with us and didn't know who he was or why the story was relevant. My friend quickly helped her out.

"Mark doesn't like him at all," she whispered conspiratorially. The friend looked at me for confirmation.

At this moment, I did a mental double-take. It was true that in our high school days, I had vehement feelings against this particular person. My friend was in relationship with him and he hurt her very, very much (even for high school). Feeling the protector, I was quick to demonize him as a no-good, manipulating blowhard. However, at this point--five years later--time had healed my once-fervent dislike of this person. I of course hadn't forgotten what he had done to my friend, but she herself had healed and moved on, as had I. I was even a little surprised to remember that I did have such strong feelings.

I was a little bit troubled by this experience. I am someone who tends not to forget things. I'm good at remembering names and (unfortunately) people who have done things to hurt those I love. In this case, everyone involved had moved on, and I wish I had made it clear that I was included in "everyone." While this was an innocent reminiscing experience, it made me think of how I remember people and what they've done--even those who haven't been the perpetrator of a heinous offense (like me in this story). I certainly don't want to be remembered as "the one who hated your old boyfriend," and it made me want to give people the benefit of the doubt more often. Just because someone said or did something that may have been hurtful, I'm not in charge of remembering it just in case the need ever arises to pull it out of my arsenal of past experiences to use against them. It made me want to be optimistic about the possibility of change.

A Plug for "Sky Sailing"

I like music that makes me feel weird. There's really no other way to describe it....it's kind of a calm melancholy feeling that certain kinds of music triggers (Thomas Newman's movie soundtracks often create that feeling too). Recently, I've gotten back into Owl City, and some of their music definitely falls into that category. Whenever I start a "phase" like this I look up all sorts of background on the artists or actors or whatever it may be. While looking up Adam Young , I discovered that he created an acoustic album under the name "Sky Sailing" before forming Owl City. I really liked what I heard: it's a typical acoustic guitar sound but with a sort of Owl City-ish twist--especially the lyrics--combined with Adam Young's breathy singing voice. Happily, as I said, the lyrics are the same sort of thing as Owl City ("I'm asleep and weird things are happening to me!" as one friend has put it) but there's a sort of tweak that sets it apart from Owl City in a good way. It all sort of sounds the same, but if you're going to make everything sound the same, this is a good sound to do that with. This is really chill music to listen to while walking around on a summer day or evening. Enjoy!

Well, that was fast...or....Everyday Thing #3

It's already the end of spring term here at BYU this week. I have my final for the one class I'm taking on Thursday afternoon and I then get three more credits to add to my growing arsenal in addition to the whopping one credit I'll get for an "internship" I've done as well. It's gone by incredibly fast, even though the workload is theoretically the same as a normal semester. I realized tonight that spring semester is kind of like running at 6:30 in the morning (remember this story?). By the time you realize what the heck is going on, it's over. I hate early mornings and I am cognizant of next to nothing at 6:30 in the morning, so running is a little less painful since I barely know where I am.

Now that I'm up and awake, in a sense, I have nothing left to do but go to work from 8 - 5, read, and hang out with friends. Summer is pretty great. Would that I could take all my classes in 6-week chunks.

Subtleties in the Weather (or Everyday Thing #2)

Weather is an odd thing: not only does it have its varying degrees of hots and colds, its different kinds of rains and winds, it also has a feel and a smell to it. One of the best examples is how it can smell like Halloween once October hits. There's something in the crisp air that mixes with falling leaves, the chilly breezes, and the hoodies that haven't been worn since March that mixes all together and makes a scent that is unique to Halloween. This happens in summer too. It can smell and feel like summer. In my hometown particularly, when the wind blows right, air rolls off the Salt Lake and there's a hint of salt in the wind that mixes with the smell of freshly cut grass and other inexplicable elements to combine to make the scent of summer.

Yesterday I noticed a different kind of nuance in the weather. It's been really nice outside for days and even a few weeks now. The temperature has been perfect: right in that area where you forget to check how hot it actually is because you don't notice the temperature at all. It's even gotten up to the upper 70s without it getting out of control hot. Yesterday, however, as I emerged from one of the buildings on campus, I immediately felt different. It wasn't incredibly hot, but it just felt different. The sun on my neck felt different, somehow. I said to my friend that it felt like a different kind of heat. She remarked that the spring heat is gone and the summer heat is here. "That's it!!" I said. It sounded crazy to both of us, but it makes sense. There's some little factor that's been changed so that it now feels like summer outside and no longer spring. It could be that the temperature just increased, but I think it's more than that. It feels like it's more than that. I could strangely smell something in the air that confirmed what we had just said and consequently basked in it for the rest of my walk back to work.

This is another instance where I ask myself, Am I crazy?

An Exhausted Accounting

Remember that time back in December when I said I was going to start running again? Well, I technically did go running one night in the bitter cold of January. I didn't go too far, but it was far enough. I didn't pace myself at all so it was a horrible, freezing experience. I told myself that night that I'd start again when it got warmer because it is so much easier to go running when it's warm outside (of course, I couldn't go find a treadmill and run in the warm inside).

Well, it's been in the 60s for a few weeks now and my exercise nag started to act up again. Today while working on homework I started to feel myself slow down. I realized that it was the perfect solution to clear my head. I'd be able to get out and run around, come home, take a shower, and be ready to attack the homework again with renewed zeal. Almost impulsively, I put down my laptop, got on my running garb and headed out the door.

It's a beautiful day out there, truly. I realized while I was running that I didn't feel the weather around me. It wasn't cold, it wasn't hot and it was great to feel my body working hard and pushing itself again. I have a testimony of running, but I'm not converted to it enough to do it regularly. I can't argue with how good I feel right now, though. While I was running, I thought of how I could cut down on my sugar intake, because otherwise, I eat pretty healthy. I've been inspired by those around me who have taken measures to get in better shape and have seen great results from their hard work and I'd like to see some results myself.

So here's to a renewing of the goal I made in December. I'd really like to get into better shape than I was my senior year, the last time I consistently ran, in addition to other workout goals. I feel like I got run over by a horse right now, but hopefully by continually making an accounting to myself of how I'm doing on my goal, it'll eventually take a lot more to get me to feel that way.

In Control...For Now

It's occurred to me that I don't have to have interesting things to say in order to make a blog post, nor do I have to go on and on as I tend to do when I have a subject I really feel strongly about. I can also write about the mundane or the everyday things in life, because I think those are good too and are more interesting in their own way. They can also be short.

Everyday Thing #1
For the past few days I've had the great feeling that I've really been in control and on top of my classes and homework and it's a GREAT feeling!! My typed-up "To Do" list shrinks at the appropriate times, papers are being written, readings are being read, tests are being studied for, I've found my rhythm for the semester. This is weird for me because usually it always feels like I'm drowning (which it did for the past couple of weeks, it is true) and like I'll never surface but, for the moment, I have! I have and I'm trying to enjoy it for as long as it lasts before all my midterms start (or triterms would be more accurate in some cases, as there are three intermittent tests in lots of classes nowadays) or whatever may happen that causes me to start to fall behind again. Here's to hoping that moment never comes!