Peace

One of the biggest, if not the biggest, quests in this life is the quest to find peace. Peace changes according to the ideals of each person. Some people call it self-actualization, others dream of temporal comfort. Healthy relationships, financial security, a feeling that everything is going to turn out all right, all of these things fit the bill of someone's definition of peace.

For me, peace comes closest to the last idea on that short list. Peace goes beyond feeling good about myself, beyond having enough money, beyond having a lot of friends. Peace is something internal, something that can be independent of everything else that may be going on in my life. Something that is possible to have even if I didn't have any friends or any money, I believe and like to think, anyway.

Yesterday I heard someone say something that made me stop and think. After dwelling on the idea for a while, I realized that it was true and what's more, I had seen it in my own life. Yesterday, I heard a girl say that peace is not just an absence of trials or lack of conflict in our lives. It was a short sentence, but one with a lot of substance and room for expansion. We don't have to wait for things to get better in order to feel peace. While peace is a goal for myself and many other people, it is not something that takes superhuman effort over many weeks and months in order to achieve. In fact, the times when I think we can feel the most peace is in the midst of trials. How is this possible?

As I already said, peace for me is very similar to a feeling that everything is going to be OK. Those who know me know that I can be very cynical, sarcastic, and sometimes pessimistic when I am sad or discouraged (or even sometimes when I'm not!). So I in my case, this feeling of optimism, of peace, has to come from an outside source. I have found that when I realize that things are not left to my hands alone, that when I truly put myself in God's hands, when I let Him worry about it, that I feel peace. God is the only person, place, or thing that can give me real peace that has a lasting effect. This means that even when I can do nothing about my current situation, I try to not worry and acknowledge that God has a plan for me and this experience is a part of that plan. When I really am able to internalize that to some level, that is when I feel peace and I can keep struggling on, if that is what needs to happen.

It is true that when things are going well, I feel very good and peaceful with myself and with my life. When I feel in a good mood, it's easy to be at ease and happy. But, I have found, peace is not dependent on these conditions alone. One night earlier this semester, I figured out my finances, made a budget and weighed income against expenses. Despite having a job, I was quite discouraged when I saw how much money I wasn't making. That night, I sat outside for a while wondering how on earth I was going to survive college without going into debt or staying in school until 2022. I worried and fretted for a while and then got up and walked home. Sometime later, I can't even remember how much time had passed, I told myself that I was doing all I could to support myself financially and that God would take care of everything else. When I  really understood and believed this principle, that was when the peace came. That was when I just had the strong feeling that everything was going to be OK, so I didn't need to worry about not applying for a job that would pay more or despair over the 74 I had gotten on the biology test that I had truly studied for. I didn't magically receive enough money in my bank account to pay for my education. I didn't find 10 bucks on the sidewalk. But there was (and is) peace. Everything is going to be OK.

For me, that is what peace is. Here are some other quick thoughts that come to mind:

-God is never surprised or taken aback by what happens to us. He doesn't have to quickly pull together a new solution for the present problem. He is very much aware of what is happening to us and what will need to happen to us in the future in order to further our spiritual progression.
-Peace comes from obeying God's commandments. Period.
-We can find peace in the company of those we love and cutting ourselves off from them in times of trial or hurt of any kind can be detrimental to our recuperation and/or healing.
-Catastrophizing small things in our lives can lead to deep and unnecessary discouragement. I speak from experience.
-Endurance is an essential part of God's plan. But enduring for a lifetime is not a prerequisite for peace.

Like all people, I have trials in my life that make me wonder, "Why on earth is this my trial? Couldn't it be something else??" But what I have come to realize is that if it weren't "this," it would definitely be "something else." So, it might as well be "this," because the secret is that that "something else" would be just as hard as "this!" God knows what He's doing. He is not ad-libbing. After I think about those things for a few minutes, I think again about my trials. After I've mentally moved myself through that train of logic, believe it or not,  it brings me peace. There is no absence of trials in my life right now. And while I am not yet at the point where I am legitimately grateful for the trials I have, I know that there can be peace in the midst of them.